- - - - -

LINER NOTES

“The best part of anything is when it’s breaking at the seams, and I’m seeing everything now, so clear.”

Choosing Sides tells six stories about growing pains. Over the past several years, I have often found myself aware of the obstacles in my path and the necessary steps towards growth, yet I struggle to find the strength to change deeply ingrained habits. Although I wrote each of these songs at drastically different periods in my life, they each occupy moments of duality and uncertainty. They capture the disorienting spaces between dreams and reality, between thought and action. I took the pulse of each of these moments, and the songs that emerged bear an acknowledgement of the need to sit within the discomfort that comes before a breakthrough.
These songs primarily cover issues of relationships: relationship with self, relationship with others, relationship with society, relationship with visions, realities, and constraints. Through Kind / Of and False Apathy, I realized I had lost myself in toxic relationships. Changing and Monday Morning detail the internal struggle of moving back to my hometown in search of direction and identity. Through Open Wide and Expectations, I worked to define myself outside of my reactions to others and their reactions to me, knowing that seeking authentic selfhood through external sources is ultimately futile. I am not done with these lessons but feel a growing resilience every time I face similar challenges: I’ve been here before and I will make it through, again and again, quicker and wiser this time.
Although the emotions expressed in these songs may be universally relatable on some level, I recognize how social structures have heavily influenced my relationship with myself and the other, a conflict at the heart of Choosing Sides. Growing up as a woman and coming to know myself as queer, I learned to make myself small in a male dominated, straight world and trust others over myself. Several of these songs touch on the consequences this has wreaked on my relationships with people of all genders. Through becoming aware of the ways I’ve been socialized, I’ve started to note the fallacies I’ve absorbed and begin the hard work of becoming my own greatest ally. I also see how my whiteness, class background, abled-ness, U.S. citizenship, and other privileges shield me from many other barriers, hardships, and traumas. I share my stories with the recognition that the struggle of working towards self-trust may be disproportionally felt by those who are marginalized by gender, race, sexual orientation, ability, class, and other systems of inequality that teach people to question their worth.
Awareness that self-doubt is internalized and not inherent to us is extremely powerful; learning to love ourselves and uncover our buried inner truths is a small but vital step towards building a more just world. I also know that everyone is ultimately harmed by systems of oppression, no matter which identities and experiences we are born and socialized into. Recognizing how our bodies, minds, and spirits are all starved of their full humanity within these structures can offer us a sense of direction in our relationships and a path towards collective liberation.
In this way, it is a gift to occupy the uncomfortable moments in which we realize we are not living our truths. I believe that periods of uncertainty are necessary for genuine growth. In a vulnerable, liminal space between perspectives, however painful, we get to let go of perspectives that don’t serve us and open ourselves to new life. We have a unique opportunity to access our wisdom.

- - - - -

Although I wrote the first drafts of these songs on my own, nothing else about this project was conceived in isolation. Seeing the songs take on a new life with my band has been a collaborative joy I never expected. Will, Esther, and Austin each bring expertise and perspectives that have guided the songs towards a final product. I feel grateful every day for my bandmates and the life they breathed into these songs. And I can’t believe I get to make music with 3 of my close friends, who want to laugh and cry and eat spicy noodles with me. So, needless to say, a huge shoutout goes to them.

Thank you to Dustin at Blast House Studios for your expertise, support, and guidance. Your combination of humility and professionalism made us feel at ease and helped transform this project into a solid final product.

I also want to acknowledge all the support of our dear friends, family, and partners, near and far—those who show up to our shows and show up in our lives (always with hugs, sometimes with sandwiches), and those who consistently cheer us on from hundreds of miles away. You all lift me up when I need it most, and remind me why I love to create and play and share vulnerable moments with the world. Thank you for believing in us.

—Maddie

- - - - -